Tweet week ll

What you missed if you haven't been following @TheDailyNovel on Twitter lately.

That’s what Old Joe Young did for a living. Wrote obituaries. Sometimes he changed the dead the way a plastic surgeon changes the living.

And, like a plastic surgeon, sometimes the change was for the better. But most times it was bad. Can’t move a facial muscle bad.

The grieving family would phone in the basics. And, Joe, aspiring writer, would liven up the obit if it sounded deadly.

The older they were, the nicer he made them. At 57, he didn’t care for the expression ‘the good die young’. It made him self-conscious.

In obituary writing circles – and there are obituary writing circles, even obituary writing awards – Joe was well-known for his style of writing called the death sentence. 

Joe was quick to laugh. The problem was that nobody could make Joe laugh like Joe could make Joe laugh. 

Joe once won an award for the best obituary under 25 words. And was the life of the party when he kept his acceptance speech to under twenty five words.  

Under 25 words, including “I’d like to thank Mom and Dad. I couldn’t have been this total failure without them”.

Joe collected old baseball cards, a kind of sports obit.

He would bring his “doubles” to work when things got slow and trade cards and obits with himself. 

A trade might be, for example: A 1927 Babe Ruth for two local elderly women named Babe or Ruth who passed away in Atlanta, the National league . 

If someone who died was tall, well then, he or she played for the Giants. If a deceased person did something amazin’ then, he or she, played for the ’69 Mets.

A rookie card and an obit card make up a set. Not easy to find, rookie cards usually get tossed. They get their value from the obit card.

To prove he was truly independent, Joe never took his Lipitor on Independence Day.  Besides, didn’t all the grilling defeat the purpose.

He remembered the screeching of chairs on the floor in the classroom as they were pushed back. Good...Mor...ning...Miss...Pezz...o...lan...o.

Then, came the Morning Prayer, followed by the pledge of allegiance. How he longed for those days.

At work, they put laxative in his coffee. And when he was in the bathroom they moved his office furniture. That was his thanks for 40 years service.

@TheDailyNovel: A tall tale in 140 characters or less a day. On Twitter.